I'm Just Saying: A Guide to Maintaining Civil Discourse in an Increasingly Divided World

I’m Just Saying is not just a word of warning about the emerging Frankenstein of intolerance, but it is also an earnest, tech-savvy, entrepreneurially minded, morally conscientious assay at fashioning a democratic, tolerant, self-aware, and self-critical citizenry—the very foundation of an enduring democracy.

Abbas Milani

Co-Director of the Iran Democracy Project at the Hoover Institution

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Let’s talk about Discourse

In I’m Just Saying, I show that, although challenging conversations can be unpleasant, they can also help us grow. I use contemporary case studies and personal experience to teach you how to have constructive conversations by engaging in civil discourse—the idea that good-faith actors can reach consensus on any opinion-based disagreement. Along the way, I answer all the questions you’ve had about discourse, and teach my tricks to become a better conversation partner.

Have you ever been in a conversation that, after volleying back and forth, ended with the words, “I’m just saying . . .”? Usually, this signals frustration, that the discussion has reached a dead end, that you haven’t made your point - and may even leave you feeling that your relationship with the other person has changed for the worse.

Civil discourse, an essential part of democracy, is becoming rare in today's digital age. I’m Just Saying examines discourse's successes and the ways to rebuild it. Drawing from history, popular culture, and personal anecdotes, this book promotes effective civil discourse by providing practical advice and strategies for respect. Through my stories and advice, I’m Just Saying offers insight and tools for politeness in a divided world.

10 Tools This Book Will Teach you

How to use self-reflection to address your own biases

Ways to find common ground with any discussion partner

How to see when unclear intent can be worse than ill intent when practicing discourse

Lessons from Japanese philosophy to help with focus and patience

How to embrace conflict in collaborative discussions to grow

Tips for examining your own tone and adjusting for many speaking situations

How to grow trust and faith differently and when to depend on each

Exercises for being a more active, attentive listener

How to help others around you be more civil in their discourse

Clues for avoiding poor discourse and disengaging from trolls

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WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING

“Kordestani's book is a comprehensive resource that navigates the challenges of dialogue in a society marked by divisions. Through historical contexts, personal anecdotes, and contemporary insights, the book presents practical strategies for engaging in productive conversations and avoiding misunderstandings. It emphasizes the importance of seeking common ground and fostering understanding, essential for bridging divides. By embracing the techniques outlined in the book, readers can enhance their communication skills and contribute to building a more cohesive and empathetic society.”

— DANIEL MORENO, AMAZON READER

““I’m Just Saying” by Milan Kordestani is an essential guide for effective, smooth and successful communication in today’s times. One of the book’s best parts, in my opinion, is the one dealing with active listening. By “active listening” the author means truly listening and understanding the meaning behind the speaker’s words and not just hearing the words that are being spoken. Milan Kordestani provides one with some useful strategies for practicing good listening skills. I find it really excellent that every chapter ends with a section of questions and answers that summarize its contents. This book will be the turning point for you if you sincerely want to become a better communicator. An outstanding read!”

— ANDREA WILHELM, GOODREADS READER

“I’m Just Saying: A Guide to Maintaining Civil Discourse in an Increasingly Divided World” offers valuable insights on how to engage in respectful conversations, even when opinions differ. The author’s writing is concise yet impactful, providing practical strategies for fostering understanding and empathy. By emphasizing the importance of active listening, open-mindedness, and empathy, the book equips readers with the tools to navigate challenging discussions constructively. The book is a must-read for anyone seeking to bridge and promote meaningful dialogue in today’s complex and divided landscape.”

— APARNA PREETHI, GOODREADS READER

“I didn’t expect for this book to make me laugh which it quickly proved wrong. There’s even a part on finding connection through humor discourse! I really connected with the section about lack of discourse in college(& how to encourage it!), studying our tone, practicing active listening and the human connection. I have social anxiety and this book was actually very helpful in making me want to go and have hard conversations with people. I like how this also examines where social media is coming into play.”

— SPIRI SKYE, GOODREADS READER

““I’m Just Saying” by Milan Kordestani hits close to home for me, as I spent a long time learning that there's a difference between a disagreement and an argument. I love that this book explains that you can disagree with someone and have an actual discussion without fighting. I don't think enough people understand this, and it is fracturing our world at a massive level.”

— A. CANNADY, AMAZON READER

“This exceptional work invites readers to navigate discourse with grace, and in doing so, advocates for a more harmonious and united society. I learned with this book that discussing with others respectfully is not only a matter of politeness, but also a powerful tool for fostering understanding, building relationships, and driving positive change in personal, social, and professional contexts.”

— MARIA CASTELLANOS, AMAZON READER

In a diverse and complex world like the one we are living in, these kinds of books are incredibly useful to have meaningful conversations with people who have different opinions and points of view than yours. I’m Just Saying by Milan Kordestani is truly a masterpiece. This guide is necessary and if you are leading a group of people, I recommend you to share this book with them.”

— YOLANDA GOMEZ, AMAZON READER

Talking to the Blank page

I never realized writing a book would be such a long dialogue.

Maybe that’s because it’s my first, and I was naive. This book was over three years in the making, an evolving conversation between myself and the page. And a blank page is a terrible conversation partner.

During that time, the book constantly evolved, just as a conversation does. As I workshopped each chapter with friends, got each new set of edits from my team, or worked my way through the stoics one more time, my emphasis changed. Some chapters ballooned, others dissolved and were boxed for other projects. In the end, my wonderful editorial team and I went with our final statements, and words were made permanent in ink and pixels.

The end result, I’m Just Saying, is far more conversational than I ever expected. I became comfortable addressing common questions and describing my favorite strategies. That long conversation I had with the page made me better at discourse - precisely because practice makes perfect when it comes to improving our civil discourse skills!

And, in the end, that blank page was one of the best conversations I’ve had.